At this point of time,
i'm not afraid of taking my own life.
I guess it's just a matter of time before i do.
I will.
He Deserves.
3:56 AM
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Pray for me as I pray for myself.
I've gotten accepted into University of Southampton.
but have I rationalised this as God's plan for me to go there?
Or is his hand really upon me as I go for it?
Ah... it's so much easier if i told you in person.
Just pray for me as i pray for myself.
I can go in there without God's hand upon me, but that wouldn't be the best place God would have had in mind for me.
Pray that God gives me his assurance that going into this University was by HIS hand and not my choice. If he has had actual plans for me to be elsewhere, pray for him to show me.
I will pray daily, and fast from meat. (well, for now this is the only thing i can think of cuz i don't know what i can fast from once i enter National Service....)
He Deserves.
8:48 AM
Sunday, April 29, 2012
A couple of things has been on my mind.
lets go by an agenda.
1. God, why do you favor me so?
Being accepted by university of Southampton.
wao.
3rd best film studies in UK.
wao.
and the thing is, with my really sucky results of BDS and their requirements of AAB.
IT'S A MIRACLE I GOT IN.
Just... Why did you answer my prayers?
Been wanting to get back to my European roots since... Forever ?
Wanted it so much more ever since Dec08?
Forgot about it in 2010.
Reminded in 2011.
Convicted in 2012.
Well... I'm speechless and in awe.
That you'd still use someone like me.
like a seed that can still grow to be a big mighty tree.
Thank you God.
Still I have to wonder if you wanted me to chase them, or if i was stubborn enough to push for them.
Well... All in due time... I'll find out more of what you have in store for me, i guess.
2. I'm sorry I Suck :(
3. "Are you Okay?"
a dear friend read my Facebook post of mine that i wrote in all frustration.
asked me if i was alright.
Nope. but I didn't want to depend on anyone at that time, even if it was just sharing.
Nope. I wanted it to be between my almighty God and myself.
BUT, thank you friend for caring :)
even though i lied and said i was alright.
even though i smiled and pretended.
even though you knew i lied.
But, you caring about me was touching :)
My best friends would know this.
"Hey dude, you alright?"
"Nope..."
"Me neither... let's go kill something..."
moments afterward... yea we don't feel better, but we end up being able to talk about whatever was on our minds. then we feel better...
but killing stuff totally managed our anger...
best days ever :)
4. Werewolf Fetish.
It's back. I wanna be a werewolf ! :)
I was walking back home, past midnight, about 1 or 2 am.
I decided to walk the creepy way home, past my high school.
which was rumored to have been built over an old malay village
where it's predecessors haunt the grounds...
It would have been fine...
If not for the howling wind that blew and swayed the trees...
creepiest thing is....
the trees only swayed the moment i walk past them...
like i was being stalked...
FREAKED ME OUT.
Then i was like...
"Hello? Can't you send a werewolf at me instead???"
Then there you have it... it got back to me :)
22nd May is the release of my next werewolf novel :) can't wait :)
5. I think I'm (going) Crazy.
6. Dear Best friend(s). I miss You.
Well... I'm amazed that i have best friends around the world.
1 in Melbourne.
3 here in Singapore.
1 in UK (though I'm not entirely sure if Best friend is the mutual term? Well, someone i can share my life with nonetheless).
If i haven't met you for the past quarter a year, i'm probably missing hanging out with you.
Those days were fun. I wish i could have them back.
But sadly, we're all moving on to different life stations...
All going our separate paths.
I'm not sure if our paths will cross in the future.
I'm quite sure Jeth's and Mine will...
I'm half sure Wallace's and Mine will...
As for the rest, maybe we'd have time for visits...
I'd make time for ya, if you're free.
We'll just have to see don't we ?
Well... Hope to see ya soon :)
May our paths cross even with our plans in Life.
7. HopeFest 2012
(Pastor) Marcus Rose took me aside on the last day of HopeFest 2012.
Talked to me.
Challenged me.
Thanks for making my HopeFest2012 AWESOME :)
8. Trip to UK.
Thanks for showing me around Brighton Chervelle !! :)
Thanks WeiWen for watching those plays together with me :) and giving me HopeLondon's numbers :)
Thanks HopeLondon for being like a family extension ! :)
Thank you God for making this trip really happening. For providing someone to aid me just as i was regretting the trip. For teaching me about myself.
He Deserves.
11:27 AM
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Spent most of my life here.
most of which with dreams to leave.
to find somewhere else to study.
somewhere more liberal
somewhere less... in a word... imbecilic.
Singapore.
Home of dreams.
Home of deception.
They say Singapore's the yes place to be living in.
I don't believe that.
They can fill me with all those lies.
But in the end, my blood doesn't agree with them.
I don't want to belong to a country that's retarded.
LOOK AT IT THIS WAY.
i'm most probably going to an overseas university.
i'm most probably NOT going to stay in this country.
based on personal preference.
NOW, i need to enter the army.
whose pay is crap. probably $400 a month.
if i were to study overseas, and live overseas.
this country would call me back, yearly.
for 20 years.
they're likely not to pay for my flight.
GSY.
so... flight ticket is say 1.2K ?
for the reserve i'll earn $400 ??
i'd make a loss of $800 yearly...
which amounts to $4k.
not much... but still. if i didn't have to return to this stupid country, i'd be earning slightly more than what they pay... so why should i "protect my country" ?
why should i call this "my" country in the first place ?
i never liked their education system.
i never liked their government.
"oh we're a democratic country..."
oh please... you're as democratic as a squirrel is to a nut.
ELITISM. *cough*
and i never liked the fact that the army is compulsory.
Better safe than Army.
why not do the same thing Venice did ?
get mercenaries.
we're gonna lose in any war anyways.
for all i know, once our defense systems are bled dry.
we've lost the war.
Better safe than Army.
if all the world breaks down the continental barriers.
breaks down the army.
with no ministry of offense and defense.
we'd be in the safest of places.
but NO.
that's not what reality presents.
i'm against war of any form.
but if i dislike you and your laws. you know i won't pick your side to fight on.
Long live Singapore.
Long live "freedom".
Long live "democracy".
He Deserves.
7:48 PM
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
It's called the Hunt Down.
I regret losing contact with my primary school friends.
wherever they may be now.
Kenny. Kimberly.
huh... they're the two oldest ones i remember...
tis called the Hunt Down cuz i'm trying to find them using Social Networking sites.
this is day 1.
and it has been unsuccessful cuz i don't even recall their last names.
neither does the Primary school keep records of Primary one kids of the 1999 batch...
oh well....
He Deserves.
10:45 AM
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
i feel sad :(
He Deserves.
8:58 AM
Uh...
well, i suppose you know something's not right when
you feel like giving up...
took out my chemistry work today.
thinking, okay last few papers.
gotta make them count.
looked at it...
then started staring at it...
and then just this pang of sadness.
okay... i doubt i have depression.
hopefully i don't.
and it's more logical that its cuz of chemistry that triggered it.
